What your sexual fantasies say about your personality

In Relatioships

As personality types go, even though we are all unique and slightly differ from the next extrovert or introvert, we fall into certain categories that make us who we are. When it comes to sexual fantasies, our general personality types seem to have more in common than once thought.

Depending on your traits you fantasise about – whether it be threesomes, BDSM, romance, sex on location or kinkier thoughts – our fantasies are mainly reliant on who we are outside the bedroom.

Let’s consider the five personality traits us psychologists use when determining who we are:

1. Extraversion: how sociable and outgoing you are

2. Agreeableness: how compassionate and cooperative you are

3. Openness to experience: how curious and adventurous you are

4. Conscientiousness: how organised and detail-oriented you are

5. Neuroticism: how anxious or quick to stress you are

Now that we understand the big traits, let’s take a dive into what your personality type says about your sexual fantasies.


As an extrovert, you’re willing to take risks and learn from new experiences. Your outgoing personality is enigmatic and draws the attention of many people, which is something you love receiving and gives you a new energy to work with. A sociable creature, you love to fantasise about scenarios involving multiple partners; be it group sex, threesomes, swinging or being in consensual polyamorous relationships, you desire the touch of more than one lover.

While some extroverts may feel guilty for fantasising about others when they’re in a monogamous relationship, learning they aren’t the only one can be a sigh of relief. While introverts are more likely to think about more kinky acts, extroverts mainly stick to thoughts of two or more lovers.

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The more agreeable you are, the more likely you want everyone to be having a good time. You make sure people feel safe in their environment and your compromising skills are excellent. It’s no surprise that you’re a generous lover and want to give your partner the best time in bed.

You don’t fantasise about being in an unstable, unclear or unsafe environment where there’s a risk of your partner not enjoying themselves. Instead, your fantasy includes more emotional sex where both partners are having a mutually pleasure-filled time, rather than taboo acts or kinky, detail-oriented fantasies. You’re here for a good time and a long time.

Openness to experience

Not to be confused with an extroverted personality, if you’re open to new experiences you could be an introvert or an extrovert. You have an active imagination, and curious about things in life and the bedroom. You live life to the fullest and are generally the ‘yes’ person in a good way; your imagination is limitless and so is your sex life.

Your sexual fantasies are so wide they can reach from conventional to unconventional quickly, and you’re ready and willing to try those crazy positions just about anywhere. Your sexual range is vast and you’re down for just about anything.


You love to be organised and your life is all about the finer details; everything you do is scheduled and you tend to flow with the crowd rather than go against the grain or stand out. A conscientious person in life also leads to being conforming in the bedroom, your fantasies include very normal circumstances in which sex takes place.

Your thoughts might go as far as doing it in the car or at a different location, but that’s about the end of it – you enjoy the regular sexual pleasures and actually have more satisfying sex because of it. Since your fantasies are so close to your reality, you tend to enjoy sex more frequently as it fits in with your schedule and lets you go about your day as normal.


You find it difficult to handle stressful situations and tend to keep it in rather than share with the world. Your neurosis means you need stability and assurance in your life and in bed. Your idea of sexual fantasies aren’t something of group sex or BDSM, but more along the lines of romance and emotional connection.

Sexual fantasy to you is calming and melts away your stress. Your idea of a good time is passion-filled and allows you to bring it closer to reality than others. You’re less about trying new things or new people and more about what’s comfortable and familiar, which brings you less uncertainty than a new environment altogether.

Whichever your personality type may fall into more, there’s absolutely no shame in having sexual fantasies – and if you want to make them a reality, talk openly with your partner and discuss what you’re both comfortable with and excited about trying.

Dr Lurve is a leading love and relationship expert. Follow her on Instagram here.

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